Honestly??

The Real

Honestly??

Honestly??
I'd like to punch out the walls and scream and cry
but then I'd be ashamed that I lost control
and would want to die

Honestly??
I think my doctor is an incompetent ass
his office is on the second floor
and I'd like to shatter all the glass

Honestly??
I wish I could go away and not see their eyes
or feel their pity
or hear their lies

Honestly??
I'm scared for my sanity
the pain feels like it's stealing
more and more of me

Honestly??
I want to rebel anything and all
and I'm so mad I see red and black
waiting for the hammer to fall

Honestly??
I might be down for now
but I know that I'm not alone
I'll make it, but don't know how

Honestly??
I wish the doctor would cut and slice
I'm sick of all this work and self pity
and I'm so sick of being nice.

Honestly??
I wish I could send my children away
let someone who is "whole"
raise them the "right" way

Honestly??
I kick my own ass harder than ever
but sometimes I find the anger
will keep me fighting this forever


Frazld2 (aka Linda) © June 9, 1997

The Real

One night as I held my brothers hand
he was slowly dying of AIDS understand
his body wasted, wracked with pain
yet he kept smiling again and again
he touched my face and wiped my tears
he told me he's had some damn good years
he had given me so much, I'll never repay
he went on too soon, I had so much to say
my birthday just came and went again
nothing could ease that missing him
not the gifts or the songs or the cards
He made me promise, we made a deal
to stay true, to stay real
"even if it hurts, you must shine on"
it's almost been 3 years, and I can't believe he's gone

Frazld2 (aka Linda) © June 9, 1997